Life as We Know It

Will never be the same. If it's your first baby EVERYONE will tell you this, because it's true. Bringing a baby into your life is something you can never fully prepare for. You could read all the books and all the articles and all the blogs and take all the advice, make lists, buy all the things, organize and nest until you drop. And you will still feel totally and utterly blindsided. But at the same time, a little tiny person just showed up and joined your family and somehow you forget what life was like before he or she arrived. 

In our experience so far, our new normal seems pretty much, normal. Although it's been a huge adjustment the past few weeks and we continue on the learning curve that is parenthood, having Fallon hasn't been all sleepless nights, dirty diapers and endless feedings. Of course every baby is different but Fallon sleeps well at night, waking every 3-4 hours to eat. She's nursing but will switch between boob and bottle no problem. She will even take milk cold, right out of the fridge! But before any of you with a different story want to throat punch me, we have our challenges. 

Fallon was born weighing 7 lbs 7 oz. It's normal for babies to lose up to 10% of their birth weight right away and Fallon was no exception. We saw her pediatrician 5 days after she was born and she had lost about 9% of her birth weight. Thus began the weight check saga. It's been a bit of a roller coaster with gaining and losing but finally she is back up to birth weight and we don't have to see the pediatrician again until her 2 month check up. 

Nursing, just like they say, also hasn't been the smoothest ride. We are both new to the game and learning as we go so I'm not surprised. While little miss piggy loves to eat and has a great latch and suck, she's a bit lazy sometimes! It was also a struggle to wean her off the shield I was told to use at the hospital and pumping after feedings is an annoyance but we take it day by day. We can't decide if she's a piglet or a bird because she eats like she's never been fed but usually in smaller quantities than what is average for her age. Sometimes I feel like I'm tied to baby or pump but I have a great support system and I'm stubborn enough to power through. I hear 5/6 weeks is the sweet spot when things really start falling into place for first time nursing mamas so soon enough we should find a good rhythm. 

While Fallon has no day/night confusion that is common with newborns, she definitely isn't a baby that sleeps all the time. She likes to boycott naps and is very awake and alert for the better part of the day. We are working on some sort of schedule but I have a bad feeling she may take after mama and never be a great napper. I have no one to blame but myself!

I honestly did not have a feeling that baby Pfeff was a boy or a girl before delivery. My nurses were still asking me while I was pushing! We would have been just as happy either way but having a little girl is beyond amazing. I think my favorite part of being a girl mom so far is watching Chris with Fallon. He's such a guys' guy but he has jumped head first into this whole girl dad thing and is so in love with her. The funny thing is, while I'm sure if we had or ever have a boy he will be a fantastic boy dad, right now I can only picture him with girls! Case in point: he ordered her a bunch of baby gear for football season and was distraught over the fact that he couldn't find many pink things. It's amazing how much more you can fall for a person after you have a child together. I look forward to each new day as a family of 3 (humans) and can't wait for all the adventures we will have!

Life as we know it will never be the same. Bring it on because it just keeps getting better!

NICU Baby

Regardless of whether you have a birth plan or not, you probably don't picture your baby landing in the NICU. It's one of those things you know happens, unfortunately all the time, but you don't think it will happen to you. Well, our family is now part of that statistic. It did happen to us. And I'm going to tell you about our experience today. 

When I was 32 weeks pregnant we had an ultrasound that showed baby head down and frog legged, a perfect position for birth. Each time I was checked at prenatal appointments through 39 weeks, baby was still definitely head down. But sometime between 32 and 38 weeks, my little girl rolled over onto her left side, and she stayed that way until she made her grand entrance into the world. This is extremely uncommon and definitely not a good way to be born. Add in the umbilical cord being wrapped around Fallon's neck and the fact that she aspirated meconium when she came out and you've got yourself a bad combination for a birthday. 

When we learned that Fallon may need a treatment that our birth hospital could not provide and would have to be transported to another hospital, my heart sank. Typically birthing hospitals keep mom for at least 12 hours, if not 24, to be monitored for any postpartum complications. The hospital Fallon was taken to was nearby our birthing hospital and Chris and my sister arrived shortly after she did. I was so glad when my sister called to let me know her initial exam showed she was doing really well. But I was so dejected that I wasn't there with my baby. My new nurse called my doctor to see if there was any way I could be discharged early as I was already beginning to recover well from the birth. I was thinking in my head that I was going to walk my ass out of the hospital, officially discharged or not, because I wasn't going to sit there and wait around. Thankfully my doctor did give the green light to discharge me early, about 6 hours after birth, and my mom drove me over to see my baby. 

In order to get up to the NICU we needed badges so we stopped at the desk to ask how to go about getting those. I will never ever forget that moment because it was the very first time I said my daughter. It was bittersweet rolling off my tongue because holy crap, I have a daughter, but I was trying to go see her in the NICU. Although I had already seen Fallon looking pretty terrible, hooked up to tubes and wires at the birth hospital earlier in the day, it was still very difficult to walk in and see her with an IV and entire monitoring system. But I was so happy to be with her I couldn't help but smile anyway. We were told she would be receiving antibiotic treatments through her IV and they would be running tests overnight to assess her progress. The NICU nurses work 12 shifts so our night nurse came on shortly after I arrived and got a sleep room for Chris and I to stay the night. He left to run home and take care of all the furbabies and I began learning how to pump breast milk because Fallon was only allowed to have fluids until the next day. 

We slept a little bit in the sleep room but I was waking up every 3 hours to pump and walking down the hall to check on Fallon. I wanted to just hold her all night but after the traumatic day she had, I knew she needed to rest peacefully without me accidentally pulling on her cords. Thursday morning a team of doctors came to do rounds and it was like an of body experience to hear them talking about my little girl in such a clinical and detached kind of way. Cried at 17 minutes of life, Low APGAR scores, resuscitation and breathing assistance. I felt like I was watching an episode of Grey's Anatomy instead of living my reality. They said she would have to stay through Friday morning at least to finish the antibiotic treatments and begin breastfeeding so that they could check her bowel output. 

The lactation consultant came in to help me try to start breastfeeding Fallon. To say that it didn't go well is an understatement. It was an epic failure. I realize that everyone at the hospital was trying to help but even Chris and I could see that Fallon was too stressed out in that type of environment and I was horribly uncomfortable. They put up screens to block me from the rest of the room but it was far from private and I finally pulled the plug and said I would pump and try again later. Attempts the rest of the day pretty much followed the same pattern. Fallon would just scream when we tried to get her into position to nurse. I kept pumping but my milk had not come in yet so I wasn't getting anything to give her. Her team of doctors was putting a lot of pressure on us to get a nursing session to go well and kept checking in on us. By this point Fallon's blood work was looking like a normal full term baby's would and I was getting worried that feeding alone was going to keep us in the hospital. Of course I wanted what was best for my baby but I had very strong feelings that a specialized NICU was no place for a healthy baby to stay simply to learn how to breastfeed. I finally voiced my thoughts and, as nicely as I could, said that I was her mother and she needed to eat so we needed some formula and a bottle. 

Friday morning Chris started feeding her so that she would not associate me with a bottle since I was planning to still attempt breastfeeding. She was eating well and her bowels seemed to be in perfect working order so her fluids and antibiotics were turned off. After rounds we were told Fallon would be discharged that afternoon and she did finally latch to breastfeed. We only spent 2 days in the NICU but it felt like at least a week. I only left once for about an hour and a half to take a shower at my parents' house and Chris left only to go care for the furbabies. We just couldn't leave our little girl there alone. It did not matter a single bit that I was recovering from giving birth. That's just not what you worry about when your baby is in the NICU.

We had the same daytime nurse both Thursday and Friday and we loved her so much. She was wonderful at her job but also a genuinely good person who took all of our concerns and questions and made sure they were addressed and timely. She even helped Chris give her the first sponge bath to get her ready to go home. And in her honor I want to thank all the nurses who put so much time and effort and love into caring for our loved ones, especially you NICU nurses. 

Nobody ever wants to have a NICU story. It's scary and it's hard and it's nothing you ever want to even think about happening. But it does happen. And to all of you who had much longer NICU stays, stories without happy endings, and are in the NICU right now, just trying to hold it all together for your families, we are thinking about and praying for you.

Fallon is almost 3 weeks old, breastfeeding and growing every day. She's a tough kid and I would like to think Chris and I can take some credit for it, but really it was all her. As my mom put it, Textbook pregnancy, One for the books delivery, Storybook ending. 

It's a GIRL: Fallon's Birth Story

Hello friends, it's been awhile! I'm so sorry it has taken me this long to post again but life has just been crazier than I imagined the past few weeks. When I last posted I was 38 weeks pregnant and experiencing prolonged prodromal labor. Today I have a beautiful baby

girl who is already over a week old. This post is as real and raw as they come and I decided to share the pictures that help tell the story. They were taken with iPhone cameras in the moment with no concern for the perfect shot. Most of them are completely unedited with no makeup and bad lighting. But they capture the joy, the heartbreak and the overwhelming love we felt that day. I'm warning you now, this kid had quite a dramatic entrance into the world so you're in for a long post.

Let's take it back to June 25th, the day I was matron of honor in Kristina's wedding. I started having contractions that felt different than Braxton Hicks about halfway into the day. We started timing them but they stopped once I sat down inside and cooled off. And then they came back with the start of the wedding and hung around through the reception. I was determined to give my speech and see the first dance before leaving, thinking we would be going to the hospital to have a baby. We went home and timed my contractions and called my doctor when we were sure they were 5 minutes apart, lasting for at least 1 minute for over 1 hour. But at the hospital I was told I was still just 2 centimeters dilated and to come back when the contractions were closer together. Sunday night we headed back to the hospital with contractions consistently 2-3 minutes apart. Yet again, I was told I was only 2 centimeters dilated and could not be admitted. The nurse said she thought I had some scar tissue, a minor complication that would prolong the first part of labor as it would take a lot more contractions to break it down before I could progress to active labor. I was given Ambien to help me sleep and give my body a break but the contractions just returned the following day. This continued to happen every single day. My contractions would start over again and progress to less than 5 minutes apart, hold steady for several hours and then taper off only to start over again the next day. 

The morning of 39 weeks I called my doctor because I was scheduled for a prenatal appointment that afternoon and still not in active labor. She advised I could be induced or come in for my visit and see if she could manually break up the scar tissue. Part of me wanted to go for the induction and finally get to meet my baby. But the other part of me wanted to avoid induction and hope I could still go into active labor on my own. So I went in for my appointment only to find out I did not have scar tissue and there didn't seem to be an obvious reason why I hadn't progressed to 3 centimeters. It was starting to look like just one of those things that sometimes happen and nobody knows why. We scheduled induction for the following Wednesday, July 6th but my doctor went ahead and stripped my membranes in hopes of helping things along.

Fast forward to Tuesday, July 5th. It started out just like every day since June 25th. I was having contractions throughout the day and by early evening they had progressed right to the point that they had been. But then as the night went on things started to feel different. I ignored it at first, thinking maybe it was all in my head and I was just nervous about my induction the following morning. Chris and I watched TV, I folded laundry and double checked the hospital bags. Then I tried to go to sleep but the contractions all of sudden seemed to be coming back to back and were getting very painful. I called my doctor and we headed back to the hospital. The pain in my lower back was becoming excruciating with each contraction and the drive seemed to take forever. We finally arrived a little after midnight and I was officially admitted and given my epidural shortly after 1AM. I told the anestesiologist that he was superman coming to save the day. And he totally was because I then slept on and off, only feeling the pressure of each contraction until my doctor arrived around 7:30 AM. She declared me "complete" but I didn't start pushing until about 9AM.

The delivery nurses were awesome and coached me on how to push, chatting with me between each contraction and helping to keep a positive vibe. Chris stood right by my side the whole time because neither of us wanted him to catch the action at the other end of the bed! As a first time mom it wasn't surprising that my pushing time was creeping over the hour mark, but after switching positions and ensuring me I was pushing correctly, we all started to wonder why baby wasn't moving much further down. When my doctor came there was still no indication anything was amiss as far as the monitors were showing. But when I finally started to make some actual progress I also started to feel my epidural wearing off. Anesthesia was called to come give me a small dose to finish pushing but before anyone came the shit hit the fan. 

Everything happened so quickly, it was a bit of a blur, but I remember most of what went down. All of a sudden baby's heart rate took a dive. My doctor had the nurses help me flip onto my back from my side and asked me if I thought I could push without a contraction. I saw the look on her face and even though I could feel EVERYTHING at that point, it didn't matter. I started pushing and I could feel the baby coming. When your doctor looks at you and says, "Mom, we gotta get the baby out now," you just give it all you have and worry about the pain later. The vacuum was used to speed things up and I could hear the nurses making calls for people to come to our room. I had no idea what was going on and when I saw my baby for the first time, I knew something was very wrong. Instead of being elated when my doctor held her up and said It's a GIRL, I was terrified. She was ghostly pale and when she was momentarily plopped onto my chest she wasn't crying. Before I could even ask why, there was a parade of people in our room and she was whisked away from me. Chris and I were frozen in fear, waiting to hear our baby girl make any kind of noise. The team was yelling out to us her weight and height and saying her heartbeat was fine but they were helping her breath. They had Chris take pictures of her, which I was too afraid to look at until today. As I lay there, helpless and doing my best not to break down in tears, my little girl was put into my arms for a quick picture and then taken away to the NICU with Chris in tow. 

The next hour and a half I don't even know what went through my mind. I was stuck in the delivery room to be stitched and cleaned up then monitored for hemorrhage. Thank God for cell phones because Chris was updating me from the NICU about the tests they were running. They were asking what her name was since we had no had time to give her one. I told Chris to pick between the 2 girl names we had decided on and Fallon Lynn it was. When I finally was able to go see my baby I was in a state of shock. Her face was covered with the breathing mask and she had tubes and wires everywhere. My heart was breaking in my chest. I was trying to understand what the pediatrician was saying but not much of it made sense. My little girl had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, came out sideways (shoulder up) AND swallowed meconium when she made her grand entrance. All this added up to an extremely difficult start to life and my baby was fighting to breath on her own. We were then hit with the news that she needed to be transported to the NICU at Children's Hospital as she would possibly need a treatment that our birth hospital was not equipped for. 

Our family members were able to come see Fallon and I was able to hold her until the transport team arrived. But here's when things start to turn around. The 3 person team was awesome and explained everything they were doing and why they were doing it. Her pre-transport exam showed that she already no longer needed any help breathing and her levels for other concerns were miraculously in normal range. Chris and my sister left to be at the hospital when she arrived and I was taken to a postpartum room for monitoring. My sister called me shortly after they got to the hospital to share the good news that Fallon's arrival exam was great, she would not need the treatment previously discussed and she was just going to be admitted as a precaution. Even though that allowed me a sign of relief, I couldn't stand not being with my baby. Typically I would have been kept for at least 12 hours post delivery at the birth hospital to make sure I was recovering well. But my amazing doctor made an exception and formally discharged me just 6 hours after Fallon was born. I had no complications from the birth and she understood I needed to be with my baby. I was running on adrenaline and barely feeling any pain so I got up and got dressed and got the hell out of there. We ended up staying in the NICU for 2 days but that experience is a separate post for another day.

 Wednesday, July 6th 2016 I was scheduled for induction at 39 weeks of pregnancy, 1 day before my due date, at 11AM. Instead, I ended up given birth to my beautiful baby girl Fallon Lynn at 10:50AM. She weighed 7 lbs 7 oz, was 21 inches long and laying on her left side. (This is very uncommon and was the culprit for my prolonged prodromal labor, My body spent a week and a half trying to flip her but she was out of room and stuck). It was one of the happiest and hardest days of my life. I don't want to remember the horror I felt on my baby's first day of life but one day I will be glad I wrote it down to share with her. I don't know why this happened or how my tiny little girl managed to bounce back so quickly. What I do know is that Chris and I are so thrilled to be her parents and are eternally grateful that today she is a perfectly healthy, normal baby. And if her birth story is any indication of her future, we are going to have a drama queen on our hands.