NICU Baby

Regardless of whether you have a birth plan or not, you probably don't picture your baby landing in the NICU. It's one of those things you know happens, unfortunately all the time, but you don't think it will happen to you. Well, our family is now part of that statistic. It did happen to us. And I'm going to tell you about our experience today. 

When I was 32 weeks pregnant we had an ultrasound that showed baby head down and frog legged, a perfect position for birth. Each time I was checked at prenatal appointments through 39 weeks, baby was still definitely head down. But sometime between 32 and 38 weeks, my little girl rolled over onto her left side, and she stayed that way until she made her grand entrance into the world. This is extremely uncommon and definitely not a good way to be born. Add in the umbilical cord being wrapped around Fallon's neck and the fact that she aspirated meconium when she came out and you've got yourself a bad combination for a birthday. 

When we learned that Fallon may need a treatment that our birth hospital could not provide and would have to be transported to another hospital, my heart sank. Typically birthing hospitals keep mom for at least 12 hours, if not 24, to be monitored for any postpartum complications. The hospital Fallon was taken to was nearby our birthing hospital and Chris and my sister arrived shortly after she did. I was so glad when my sister called to let me know her initial exam showed she was doing really well. But I was so dejected that I wasn't there with my baby. My new nurse called my doctor to see if there was any way I could be discharged early as I was already beginning to recover well from the birth. I was thinking in my head that I was going to walk my ass out of the hospital, officially discharged or not, because I wasn't going to sit there and wait around. Thankfully my doctor did give the green light to discharge me early, about 6 hours after birth, and my mom drove me over to see my baby. 

In order to get up to the NICU we needed badges so we stopped at the desk to ask how to go about getting those. I will never ever forget that moment because it was the very first time I said my daughter. It was bittersweet rolling off my tongue because holy crap, I have a daughter, but I was trying to go see her in the NICU. Although I had already seen Fallon looking pretty terrible, hooked up to tubes and wires at the birth hospital earlier in the day, it was still very difficult to walk in and see her with an IV and entire monitoring system. But I was so happy to be with her I couldn't help but smile anyway. We were told she would be receiving antibiotic treatments through her IV and they would be running tests overnight to assess her progress. The NICU nurses work 12 shifts so our night nurse came on shortly after I arrived and got a sleep room for Chris and I to stay the night. He left to run home and take care of all the furbabies and I began learning how to pump breast milk because Fallon was only allowed to have fluids until the next day. 

We slept a little bit in the sleep room but I was waking up every 3 hours to pump and walking down the hall to check on Fallon. I wanted to just hold her all night but after the traumatic day she had, I knew she needed to rest peacefully without me accidentally pulling on her cords. Thursday morning a team of doctors came to do rounds and it was like an of body experience to hear them talking about my little girl in such a clinical and detached kind of way. Cried at 17 minutes of life, Low APGAR scores, resuscitation and breathing assistance. I felt like I was watching an episode of Grey's Anatomy instead of living my reality. They said she would have to stay through Friday morning at least to finish the antibiotic treatments and begin breastfeeding so that they could check her bowel output. 

The lactation consultant came in to help me try to start breastfeeding Fallon. To say that it didn't go well is an understatement. It was an epic failure. I realize that everyone at the hospital was trying to help but even Chris and I could see that Fallon was too stressed out in that type of environment and I was horribly uncomfortable. They put up screens to block me from the rest of the room but it was far from private and I finally pulled the plug and said I would pump and try again later. Attempts the rest of the day pretty much followed the same pattern. Fallon would just scream when we tried to get her into position to nurse. I kept pumping but my milk had not come in yet so I wasn't getting anything to give her. Her team of doctors was putting a lot of pressure on us to get a nursing session to go well and kept checking in on us. By this point Fallon's blood work was looking like a normal full term baby's would and I was getting worried that feeding alone was going to keep us in the hospital. Of course I wanted what was best for my baby but I had very strong feelings that a specialized NICU was no place for a healthy baby to stay simply to learn how to breastfeed. I finally voiced my thoughts and, as nicely as I could, said that I was her mother and she needed to eat so we needed some formula and a bottle. 

Friday morning Chris started feeding her so that she would not associate me with a bottle since I was planning to still attempt breastfeeding. She was eating well and her bowels seemed to be in perfect working order so her fluids and antibiotics were turned off. After rounds we were told Fallon would be discharged that afternoon and she did finally latch to breastfeed. We only spent 2 days in the NICU but it felt like at least a week. I only left once for about an hour and a half to take a shower at my parents' house and Chris left only to go care for the furbabies. We just couldn't leave our little girl there alone. It did not matter a single bit that I was recovering from giving birth. That's just not what you worry about when your baby is in the NICU.

We had the same daytime nurse both Thursday and Friday and we loved her so much. She was wonderful at her job but also a genuinely good person who took all of our concerns and questions and made sure they were addressed and timely. She even helped Chris give her the first sponge bath to get her ready to go home. And in her honor I want to thank all the nurses who put so much time and effort and love into caring for our loved ones, especially you NICU nurses. 

Nobody ever wants to have a NICU story. It's scary and it's hard and it's nothing you ever want to even think about happening. But it does happen. And to all of you who had much longer NICU stays, stories without happy endings, and are in the NICU right now, just trying to hold it all together for your families, we are thinking about and praying for you.

Fallon is almost 3 weeks old, breastfeeding and growing every day. She's a tough kid and I would like to think Chris and I can take some credit for it, but really it was all her. As my mom put it, Textbook pregnancy, One for the books delivery, Storybook ending.