Mini Beach Vacay

Well helllooooo there! Sorry I've been a little MIA but ya know, life. When we found out our friends were planning a beach wedding in October I was still pregnant with Fallon. We didn't know how great of an idea it would be to travel with a baby as first time parents and Chris was starting a new job. But the chance to have a little beach getaway in the fall and see our friends get married could not be passed up. 

We flew down to Tampa Sunday afternoon and thankfully Fallon was pretty much a perfect passenger. We spent the next 2.5 days eating like food has no calories (I made french toast disappear), lounging poolside and dipping our toes into the ocean. Traveling with a 3 month old baby definitely was not the easiest, but honestly she gets an A+ for behavior and going with the flow. It absolutely was worth experiencing so many of her firsts as a family. 

Our friends tied the knot in a beautiful beach ceremony on Tuesday, barefoot and all, with the sun dropping from the sky as the reception started. Fallon wore her very first little black dress and danced with daddy and it was seriously the cutest! She also rocked a bikini like a total beach babe and was a little water baby hanging out in the pool. We had a blast on our first family vacation but even though we only spent a few days away we were ready and happy to come back home. 

Overall, Fallon was a fantastic tiny traveler. I'm sure it was a combination of her age, personality and my obsessive planning. If y'all are interested in a post about flying and traveling with an infant just drop me an e-mail. I'm certainly no expert but I do think we were pretty well prepared and that was most helpful to get max enjoyment out of our vacation. Now I'm off to tackle laundry piles and rid my house of the all the sand we somehow managed to bring home with us!

Happy Halloween weekend!

SAHM Guilt

Lately I am seeing the "mom guilt" subject popping up all over Instagram and many of the blogs I read. What exactly is mom guilt? Well, it probably means a little something different to everyone, but I understand it as that feeling that something you're doing or not doing is making you less of a mother, aka you're failing in some aspect of motherhood. And you feel bad about it. Really bad. 

I think on some levels all moms experience this mom guilt I speak of. But I wanted to specifically talk about it from a stay at home mom standpoint. Many of my friends are working moms and often feeling guilty about leaving their babies in someone's else care everyday, missing milestones or just not being around in case their kids need them. I might be able to avoid those feelings because I do stay home, but I have mom guilt too. And lots of it.

99% of the last 15 weeks I have spent with Fallon. She doesn't take long naps, if she naps at all, and she's a pretty high maintenance little girl. Many days I wear her in my wrap to get things accomplished around the house. Many days I get virtually nothing accomplished. Many days I literally beg her to sleep upstairs in her cradle for just a solid hour so that I can do something without her attached to me or worrying I'll wake her up. And this is where the guilt comes in. 

I feel guilty for wishing she would nap or counting down until her bed time or texting my husband to get his ass home to relieve me on an especially trying day. I think what kind of mother WANTS to get away from her baby? I feel selfish for wanting time to clean the house or blog let alone time just to relax by myself. I keep hearing things in my head like enjoy this time with her while she's little, she'll never be this age again, all the other things can wait because she is most important. Part of me knows that wanting a break from a baby I'm with 24/7 is perfectly normal and perfectly okay. It's healthy to have some time to myself and while caring for Fallon is the best job ever and most important thing I do in my life, it's not the only thing. I'm not just a mother, I'm a wife and a daughter, a sister and a friend. But of course the reason I'm writing this is because the other part of me still feels awful for wanting to put my baby down to vacuum, work out or eat with 2 hands. Maybe I should have Fallon on a better daily schedule, maybe I should try harder to get her to nap, maybe I should be spending more time playing with her instead of responding to texts. 

There is no one among my support group of my husband, family and friends that makes me feel like I'm not doing a good job as a mother. It's quite the contrary. I'm the one with the supermom complex. If I can't do it all myself I feel like I'm failing, because obviously I'm home all day so I should be able to right? What the hell am I doing all day anyway? Why can't I breastfeed, play with the dogs and fold the laundry all at the same time? Oh, that's right, I'm only HUMAN. Yet the guilt is there. 

I'm learning how to deal with it as I go, manage my time better on some days and just wave the white flag on others and be okay with that. I don't think the mom guilt ever goes away though. No matter how much other people tell us we really are doing a great job, no matter how many times we look in the mirror and tell ourselves we totally got this, I don't think any of us ever have a full day without having a moment of guilt. It comes with the territory. But hey, at least we're all in this together right? Next time a wave of the mom guilt hits, just remember there's another mom out there feeling just as guilty for the same reason you are. Feel it, get over it and get on with it. The next mom guilt moment is right around the corner and you gotta get those supermom moments in there while you can!

Pumpkin Patchin'

Last weekend we did something I look forward to every fall, we took little trip to the pumpkin patch. I've been dreaming of reliving my childhood excitement through a babe of my own and even though Fallon won't remember this year's trip, it's so fun to start traditions with her. 

A farm not far from our house has an annual Fall Fest complete with hayrides, farm animals and of course a pumpkin patch. There's even live music and pumpkin + face painting for the older kids. I dressed up Fallon in the cutest fall outfit and we took in all the sites while spending some quality family time. She may be only 3 months old but it's very clear how much she enjoys being outside and having lots of things to see and hear. By the time we were getting ready to leave little miss no naps was falling asleep in my arms. I already can't wait until next year to see her toddling around with a tiny pumpkin!

3 Months Of Fallon

I think each month goes by faster. Is that how this works? Tomorrow I'll be writing about how she's sitting up by herself. Our little 3 month old isn't so little anymore. She's growing right out of her clothes with her long, long legs and getting some rolls on those thighs. Being outside is her jam, no matter the weather, so we walk around our hood on the daily. She is always blowing bubbles and telling us stories, drooling like a Rottweiler and gnawing on her hands. When daddy gets home from work she smiles the second she hears his voice and lights up when he kisses her. She's been grabbing at everything lately including mama's hair but it's the sweetest when she holds her toys. We hit a rough patch with her nighttime sleep for a week but she's now back to waking once to nurse and back to sleep like my little champ. She's become pretty solid with a morning nap but the length of time varies greatly by the day. The good thing is that she's really into her toys now and will entertain herself for longer periods of time so mama can get things done. She's totally my little sidekick and loves running errands with me, visiting friends and riding around in her shopping cart hammock. Even on the hard days when I kind of want to give her back, I love her more and more. How is that possible?! 

Happy Grey's Anatomy day!

A Letter To My Husband

Dear Hubby,

Never in your wildest dreams would you have imagined this current reality. But for the guy who thought he'd never get married, never move to the suburbs and never EVER have a baby girl, you're kind of nailing it. Thank you doesn't even begin to cover it but I can't find better words. 

Thank you for loving me for, not in spite of, all my many flaws. Thank you for staying rock steady every time our world is rocked. Thank you for being the calm before and after the storm. Thank you for supporting me always.

Thank you for learning my complicated Starbucks order of the moment and bringing it home. Thank you for making me laugh when I want to cry. Thank you for being the peanut to my butter, and letting me eat straight from the jar. Thank you for saying I'm pretty with messy hair, no makeup and spit up on my shirt. Thank you for not caring when I wear slippers to the grocery. 

Thank you for giving me our precious baby girl. Thank you for loving her more than you knew you could. Thank you for the kisses goodbye when you think we are both fast asleep. Thank you for appreciating me as a wife and a mother. Thank you for always putting us first.

For a guy who planned to be an eternal bachelor, never live steps away from his neighbors or put bows on his daughter, you're kicking ass and taking names. Thank you for being the best damn husband and father I could hope for. Funny how all those nevers have turned into forevers. 

Love, Wife

Fall Quinoa Salad

So I'm not very creative with my food and tend to eat the same meals over and over again. When I find something I like, it takes me a while to get sick of it. As a vegetarian I have to find ways to get enough protein from plant sources and it's especially important now that I'm breastfeeding. Quinoa is the only complete plant protein and I love that it's a such a versatile food. I always buy butternut squash when the temperatures begin to cool but sometimes have a hard time deciding how to eat it. So last Sunday I went ahead and roasted the one I had while making quinoa just to have for the week and had an aha moment. Mix them together. 

I cubed the squash and started pulling out other ingredients I had on hand. Of course my seasonal loving heart wanted to make it into a fall salad and luckily everything blended together really well. The end result is a an easy lunch or dinner full of nutrients that tastes great and fills me up. I don't measure anything but here's the list of what I threw together.

Quinoa

Butternut squash

Dried unsweetened cranberries

Sliced almonds, walnuts or pecans

Avocado

Sunflower seeds

Honeycrisp apple

Goat cheese

Cranberry Vinaigrette 

Enjoy!

When Life Gives You Lemons

Boo tee

Do you ever just feel like your life has suddenly become the plot of a sitcom? Like the universe is playing some kind of sick joke on you? I hate to complain, I really do, because I realize how lucky I am in so many ways. But recently life has handed us a bunch of lemons all at once and it's been kind of overwhelming. 

Fallon was born 3 months ago but we have just now received all the final medical bills for both her and me. I am so, so grateful that we both received such a high level of care and the end result of a healthy baby is priceless. But it has unfortunately come with a lot of dollar signs. Of course we don't have to pay everything at once but I absolutely hate having the debt hanging over our heads. 

Then there's the spiders. I mentioned it already but when Chris discovered that we have brown recluse spiders calling our garage home it made my skin crawl. We aren't just talking creepy bugs with lots of eyes and lots of legs, they are venomous. Thankfully it's rare to be bitten as they are not an aggressive spider BUT if you are bitten and receive enough venom, well, let's just say it's all kinds of bad news. You can't spray for these guys so we had pest control come out to confirm the spiders were in fact the venomous type and find out what to do. We had already set glue traps but our garage and probably our home (for precaution, we've never seen any in our house and have vacuumed it top to bottom) will have to be fumigated. 

Apparently those issues weren't enough so let's throw car trouble into the mix. When we have car trouble it never seems to be the kind where there's a simple, inexpensive fix. We just put a new engine in our SUV a few months ago and Chris was pulling into work earlier this week when it just blew. Of course it did. So the search for another car is on. 

Now, a big piece of shit cake is nothing without icing right? So it's all been topped off with my 3 month old suddenly pulling all nighters and no naps on me. Teething is a bitch. Sleep deprivation and baby screaming don't do much in the way of trying to stay positive through a tough time. And it super sucks when you can't soothe your kid or take the pain away. 

By yesterday afternoon I was teetering on the verge of a colossal breakdown when Fallon finally fell asleep. My mom stopped over with a big iced coffee and I got to take a nice long shower. An afternoon trip to Target and an evening with family, friends, good food and cold beer was just what we all needed to push the reset button and get out from under the cloud of doom. 

They say that when life hands you lemons you're supposed to make lemonade. Well our lemonade went sour before we could drink it so we tossed it and we're doing this our way. When life hands you lemons throw 'em at the well, go scream in a closet, pass the whiskey and then count your blessings. It's okay to get upset, to wallow for a minute, to be angry and frustrated when you're in an unfortunate situation. But just remember no matter how bad you think you have it, there's someone who has it worse. 

One day I'll look back at this point in my life and laugh at how ridiculous it was to be upset over. In the meantime if anyone needs me I'll be paying bills, tiptoeing around my garage, car shopping, using all the concealer under my eyes and appreciating the crap out of my amazingly supportive family and friends. Because who needs lemonade when it's PSL season anyway?

A Day in the Life

Some of you may have caught on to the fact that I have not returned to my office job. The way things worked out we just decided it was best for our family for me to stay home with Fallon. Life with a newborn was a hot mess. A total shit show. Schedule? What schedule? Such a thing did not exist. Fallon is almost 3 months old now and while we absolutely are still winging it, our days do have a bit more semblance of order. 

Baby girl has not been much of a napper since birth. If she did sleep during the day there did not seem to be a consistent pattern. I spent time trying to get her onto a nap schedule but it failed miserably. So we now have a morning routine and an evening routine and the rest of the day just kind of happens the way it happens. And honestly, it's working out pretty well so far. 

Contrary to her day time sleeping habits, Fallon is very predictable with her night time hours. She's up for the day between 7-7:30 every morning and I nurse her first thing. If Chris isn't at work he will go feed all the furbabies and let the dogs out. If not then I take Fallon downstairs, change her diaper and put her on her play mat or in her mamaRoo while I tend to the other kids. I eat breakfast and have some coffee then play with Fallon for a little bit. We do tummy time, play who's that baby (look in the mirror) or hang outside with the pups. 

Sometime between 9-9:30 my giggly, happy little girl starts to fuss. If she is going to take a morning nap, this is when it's going to be. I take her upstairs to her room and rock her for a few minutes until her eyes get heavy then lay her down in her cradle. She might sleep for 20 minutes, she might sleep for 2 hours. The former is more likely. Sometimes I'll take her on a walk instead and she cat naps in the stroller or we run errands and she sleeps in her car seat. If she's really fussy but refusing to nap I'll put her in my wrap and that usually does the trick. 

Fallon is nursing every 3-4 hours so she usually is ready for another feeding after her nap. If we stayed home I typically work out while she sleeps so then I either get a shower and we run errands or I try to get some laundry and cleaning done. Chris is home by 1 (usually 11) if he worked and he goes on daddy duty while I eat lunch and shower if I haven't yet. We spend time together until he goes to bed around 4. Sometimes Fallon takes an afternoon nap. If we go somewhere she almost always sleeps in the car and is content in her carseat if she wakes up. There are days she falls asleep on one of us at home and we just lay her down in her cradle or in her dock-a-tot. 

If Chris has to go to bed for work I'm usually nursing Fallon again around that time. The next few hours we play inside or go in the backyard with the dogs or sometimes she rides around in my wrap or hangs in her mamaRoo while I work around the house. She might take a 30 minute nap around 6/6:30 but I definitely don't try to put her down as with a morning or afternoon nap. I have learned that will backfire big time so she's either going to take that one in the wrap or the swing or my arms or not at all. 

Fallon loves being outside so if it's nice we will usually take a walk around the neighborhood to wind down before the bed time routine. That begins at 8 o'clock with a bath, her favorite. I let her hang out for a bit because she really seems to enjoy just laying in her little tub in the sink. Afterward she gets her lotion and pajamas on and I nurse her for the last time before bed. She gets very sleepy while nursing so we just snuggle or read a book before I take her upstairs between 8:45-9. I lay her down in her cradle sleepy and put her pacifier in her mouth and she's out pretty quickly. After putting her to bed I finish folding laundry, work on the blog or take care of finances. I'm usually in bed by 11 but sometimes 10 if I'm super tired. At this point Fallon is usually only waking to nurse once a night and then falls right back to sleep. 

So our schedule isn't much of a schedule but we do have more a morning and an evening routine now. Fallon is a baby that is not easily overstimulated and either sleeps or seems content while out and about so we typically do leave the house most days. Napping on the go and rarely sleeping for long stretches doesn't have any effect on her night time sleep or her general mood. We have days when she's fussy for seemingly no reason and I end up wearing her a lot in my wrap. We have days when she takes a really long nap or 2-3 fairly long naps and I get a ton of stuff accomplished. We have days when we run around all day and days when we stay home all day. Unless we have something specific planned I just see where the day takes us. 

If you stay home with your kiddos, what does your typical day look like?