Lately I am seeing the "mom guilt" subject popping up all over Instagram and many of the blogs I read. What exactly is mom guilt? Well, it probably means a little something different to everyone, but I understand it as that feeling that something you're doing or not doing is making you less of a mother, aka you're failing in some aspect of motherhood. And you feel bad about it. Really bad.
I think on some levels all moms experience this mom guilt I speak of. But I wanted to specifically talk about it from a stay at home mom standpoint. Many of my friends are working moms and often feeling guilty about leaving their babies in someone's else care everyday, missing milestones or just not being around in case their kids need them. I might be able to avoid those feelings because I do stay home, but I have mom guilt too. And lots of it.
99% of the last 15 weeks I have spent with Fallon. She doesn't take long naps, if she naps at all, and she's a pretty high maintenance little girl. Many days I wear her in my wrap to get things accomplished around the house. Many days I get virtually nothing accomplished. Many days I literally beg her to sleep upstairs in her cradle for just a solid hour so that I can do something without her attached to me or worrying I'll wake her up. And this is where the guilt comes in.
I feel guilty for wishing she would nap or counting down until her bed time or texting my husband to get his ass home to relieve me on an especially trying day. I think what kind of mother WANTS to get away from her baby? I feel selfish for wanting time to clean the house or blog let alone time just to relax by myself. I keep hearing things in my head like enjoy this time with her while she's little, she'll never be this age again, all the other things can wait because she is most important. Part of me knows that wanting a break from a baby I'm with 24/7 is perfectly normal and perfectly okay. It's healthy to have some time to myself and while caring for Fallon is the best job ever and most important thing I do in my life, it's not the only thing. I'm not just a mother, I'm a wife and a daughter, a sister and a friend. But of course the reason I'm writing this is because the other part of me still feels awful for wanting to put my baby down to vacuum, work out or eat with 2 hands. Maybe I should have Fallon on a better daily schedule, maybe I should try harder to get her to nap, maybe I should be spending more time playing with her instead of responding to texts.
There is no one among my support group of my husband, family and friends that makes me feel like I'm not doing a good job as a mother. It's quite the contrary. I'm the one with the supermom complex. If I can't do it all myself I feel like I'm failing, because obviously I'm home all day so I should be able to right? What the hell am I doing all day anyway? Why can't I breastfeed, play with the dogs and fold the laundry all at the same time? Oh, that's right, I'm only HUMAN. Yet the guilt is there.
I'm learning how to deal with it as I go, manage my time better on some days and just wave the white flag on others and be okay with that. I don't think the mom guilt ever goes away though. No matter how much other people tell us we really are doing a great job, no matter how many times we look in the mirror and tell ourselves we totally got this, I don't think any of us ever have a full day without having a moment of guilt. It comes with the territory. But hey, at least we're all in this together right? Next time a wave of the mom guilt hits, just remember there's another mom out there feeling just as guilty for the same reason you are. Feel it, get over it and get on with it. The next mom guilt moment is right around the corner and you gotta get those supermom moments in there while you can!
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