No baby is truly easy. Some are just easier than others. It all depends on your experience, the baby's personality, the parent's personality, the situation ect. Babies are completely dependent on their caretakers. They're basically adorable parasites. Really you shouldn't compare your kid to any other kid, not even siblings. But we all do it, usually unintentionally, so you can gage how easy your kid is in the grand scheme of things.
My kid is difficult. Really difficult. There, I said it.
It's been a few years but I've cared for a lot of little ones throughout my babysitting days. Recently my friends all started having kids and I even care for one 3 days a week so the full spectrum is at my disposal for comparison. You could argue that I'm being dramatic, my expectations are too high as a first time mom, I'm overwhelmed by being a SAHM and inexperienced having a child of my own. All of those things are partly true. But I'm not overreacting. I'm with my baby 24/7 and I know her better than anyone.
Some kids are difficult in the sleep department, some have trouble with feeding, some want all the attention and some just want mama. And then there's Fallon. She's strong willed, stubborn and smart as hell. She's demanding, dramatic and intense. She's sassy, sweet and oh so curious. This is her personality. And I wouldn't change a damn thing about it. But oh dear Lord does she drive me nuts.
Until babies can talk their method of communication is fussing, crying or straight up wailing. Fallon typically likes to go ahead and turn the volume right up. She doesn't mess around. On a typical day she screams like a bear is after her at least 20 times. She's hungry, we aren't feeding her fast enough, she's teething, she's tired, she's bored, she needs her diaper changed, she doesn't want to get dressed, she hates tummy time, she's frustrated, she wants out (of the car seat, high chair, bouncer, ect.) and the list goes on. When she's happy, oh man is she HAPPY. The happiest baby there ever was. But finding what makes her happy is a full time job.
Most days we are at home Fallon wakes up ready to nurse. If I don't come fast enough she wails. If I get her before she starts crying in her bed, she still wails because I didn't latch her the second I picked her up. On the days it's still early I bring her into my bed and nurse her laying down to take those few extra minutes to doze. Sometimes she'll doze back off with me, others she cries and we get up, because she's so over being in bed. Sometimes she'll play in her jumperoo while I feed the furballs, let the dogs out and make my breakfast. Other times I do it all with her on my hip. She wails if she's ready for her real breakfast aka solids and I don't have everything out fast enough. She even wails between bites because obviously I should be shoveling more food into her mouth as quickly as possible. Choking be damned. She wails during tummy time, sometimes immediately, to the point that she's red faced with a flow of tears. She wails after playing with the same toy for more than a few minutes, she wails because she's over all the toys, then wails because she's tired but wails harder because she fights naps. She wails to be held so much I seriously have the most arm definition I've ever had in my life. She wails while I'm trying to dress her and myself, she wails in the car and when she wakes up from a snooze in the car seat. She wails during diaper changes, when I won't let her have my coffee and when she wants me to stand up with her because I might as well be torturing her if I sit down. In short, she uses those little lungs an awful lot.
If I'm lucky she now naps twice a day (praise God). But the timing and duration vary despite our best efforts to get her onto a nap time schedule. When she succumbs to sleep I HUSTLE to do all the things. Not much on the to-do list is accomplished when she's awake because I just can't do it all with a 16 lb baby and 1 hand. When Chris is home we tag team but since his job is outside the home, I'm the primary caregiver. Sometimes I'm already exhausted by 9:00AM. Some days we don't do tummy time. At all. Argue with me that my sanity is worth her laying there doing nothing but screaming. I dare you. There are so many days we don't change out of our pjs. You seriously might find me mopping the floors at 10PM because it's the only time I have to do it. When people say the dishes or the laundry can wait, I say they can't wait forever.
Now that I've made it sound like my life is some kind of terrifying horror movie, let me go on. The truth is, being Fallon's mama is completely and utterly exhausting. It's beyond stressful and overwhelming. BUT, yes, here it is. I absolutely LOVE it. If I have to figure out how to do everything while holding her, so be it. If I have to go through every single toy we have, read every book, sing every song and ultimately let her gnaw on the car keys, I will. If she will only nap in my arms, nurse until she falls asleep or chew on my fingers because she's teething and nothing else will do, that's fine. I have a healthy baby girl. Sometimes the happiest baby girl. The baby with the big smile and the bright eyes at the grocery store because shopping is her favorite. Every day I get to wake up and be her mama is a good day, even if I don't remember that until it's over. It's always going to be difficult to be Fallon's mom, but it couldn't be easier to love her.
When I'm at the end of my rope, ready to take off running for the hills, that's usually when the sweetest moments come. Some days my best is better than other days. Some days I remember to switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer and then go get it to fold. Some days we get dressed in cute outfits and find somewhere to take a picture that makes it look like we totally have our shit together. Real life as a mom is a roller coaster. The highest highs and the lowest lows, laughing, screaming and hanging on tight through the tunnels and when everything flips upside down. It's a ride that scares me half to death, gives me the biggest thrills and makes me never want to get off. My baby might be difficult, but she's mine. And I will take all her wailing right along with her sweet giggles just as long as I get to be her mama.
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